Dear Morgan,
I am fat, and exhausted with being fat.
I hate being fat and quite frankly I dont like other people who are fat either.
Looking at other people who are fat reminds me just how bad it is for me! I know that is selfish, horribly judgmental and maybe even cruel, but I dont care. Honesty has to be part of this process.
I am so tired of people who say they are fat because of their metabolism or because of an injury or because of genetics. Yes I am sure there are people like that, but how small is that percentage?
From experience I know that people who are fat---they eat too much and dont move enough!
I know that gluttony and laziness make people fat. Gluttony and laziness has made me fat.
I am a glutton who is lazy!
There I said it!
My eyes are too bug for my stomach. I hate walking in the heat. I hate walking in the cold.
I am spoilt beyond belief.
I take cabs everywhere! I spend hundreds of dollars a month just so that I wont have to wait for a subway. I talk myself into hopping in a cab and forking over $20 at a time, just so that I wont have to take the time to walk or climb those stairs in the subway station!
I order in so that I wont have to walk to pick it up, I send out our laundry so I wont have to do it myself! I mean really! I hate physical activity.
It wasn't always this way.....
I remember when I was much thinner. I was 100 pounds thinner!
I used to walk everywhere. I went to the gym and took aerobics and yoga classes! I never took a cab, I walked from Uptown, to Downtown, across town and through Central Park!
Well, that's it!
Today is different! No more cabs for me!
I am going to walk more and eat less.
I have to, or else I am just going to be heavier next week and then even heavier next month!
I was in the Hampton's this past weekend celebrating my wedding anniversary with my husband and let me tell you, if anything can get a fat girl down, it is skinny rich bitches parading in their sexy bikinis and Chanel sunglasses while swinging their Prada bags.
Everyone was soooo thin.
Everyone except me.
The weather was perfect, our suite was gorgeous -: on the beach with our own balcony and while I loved every minute of it, I know I would have had a better time if I was at my fighting weight!
So, I put on my swimsuit and donned a sarong. I did look fabulous, but I didnt feel it on the inside. I realized, I am no longer proud of the way I look. Somehow I have let myself go to such an extent that I dont even recognize myself in the mirror anymore.
I want myself back!
I want to be me again.
And I am determined!
So determined, that I am going to start weighing myself.
Tomorrow!
I weighed myself when we started this journey and I think I am going to weigh myself tomorrow!
Even a 3 pound loss would make me happy!
Ok, so enough talk...I have to take action.
I am going to go out now and walk to Starbucks for a sugar-free, skim iced coffee!
Are we going to meet up today or tomorrow?
Would love to see you!
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1 comment:
I think it is frustrating seeing people make "excuses" about being fat because we use to do the same thing and it's hard to see it from the other side. I know at some point that was me and someone else was looking at me thinking the same thing. I simply try to encourage people to do the right thing but you know the old saying...you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink". Everybody has to get to the point that they are tired of it and I mean truly tired of it and willing to do whatever it takes to stop being that way. Congrats to you for reaching that point!!
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