Dear Dawn,
!!!Wow!!! These pictures really stink. And yet, the real truth of the matter is, I'm always shocked by pictures of myself, because I never believe that I'm actually THIS heavy until I see it right in front of me in living, bold, stark, truthful COLOR! Yikes!! And what a large truth it is. It is so east to deny what I actually look like... I mean, I've successfully avoided having any full length mirrors in my home, I've become a pro at dodging pictures, and I am in total denial when it comes to catching a glimpse of my own reflection when I walk past the plate glass windows of a store front... usually filled with clothes and lingerie that would no doubt only fit over one of my thighs before splitting up the seams. I probably sound like I am being negative about myself, but really, I am just being truthful. I do love who I am inside, as a person, and I think that I am a beautiful person, too. I also think that if I keep telling myself "Plus-sized is beautiful, bigger is better..." and all of these other mantras we've been imbibing for the past decade or so, that I am doing my personal self a disservice. I can't speak for everyone, Dawn, but I myself have coddled, coaxed myself up to the heaviest and most unhealthy I've ever been in my entire life with these statements! You know what? It's time for the truth: Bigger is not better for me: HEALTHY is better for me. It's time for me to face that before I no longer have a choice in the matter.
Well, I have to tell you... I didn't get to move today the way we did yesterday... I had to work from 12-6, and the heat was killer today, so no walking outside, that's for sure! BUT, the positive of the matter is I didn't totally eat junk today. I wasn't perfect, but I did damn well, I must say. I started the day with 2 big glasses of water, a late breakfast of a nice cold salad around 11:15, (I woke up late today!) more water during the day at work, a late lunch/early dinner of sushi and more water, and then a snack of a small bag of soy rice cakes and salsa with a canned iced coffee. (Mocha monster coffee... it's a bit sugary, but low in fat. Considering it was my only real sugary thing for the day, I think I'll be alright :o) I wasn't perfect, but I was definitely BETTER. Not brave enough to hit the scales just yet... back to drink some water before I settle in for the evening.
...the heat is making my thighs stick together like a tongue to a frozen flagpole. I refuse to live like this any longer, Dawn.... change is in progress!
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