Dawn! It's been so long since I've last written- I know you're halfway across the world by now yourself? Please let me know how you're doing!
I've been back home since we last spoke- visiting my parents in the little town that I grew up in outside of Charlotte, NC. I had a lovely time, really, I did, but like many things to do with Southern culture, part of having fun is enjoying the food! When will I learn how to differentiate the fun from the food?
Well, the painful truth is this: after gallons of sweet tea, dozens of fried-chicken-filled biscuits, slice after slice of pecan pie, homemade mint-chocolate pound cake with a sad streak in the middle, crisp fried okra, peach cider, apple pie, and oh, you name it, I ate it, I am ashamed to say that I feel certain that I've gained back every pound I lost. Oh, Dawn- I tried so hard to be good! And, I was at first, but with all the choices, and delicious selections.... well, my urge to eat got the better of me! Some days I just ate and ate until I couldn't eat anymore.... in my mind, I guess I was thinking "How often do I get to eat these yummy things living in NYC? Never! So, I better eat as much as I can while I'm here!" I ate until I was numb, until my sides hurt, and until I sometimes fell asleep from the fullness. Now, what kind of twisted-up logic is that? Really! I guess it wouldn't be so twisted if I were thin and had better habits, but in my current state, it can be identified as nothing other than a really fat person pigging out and eating disgusting amounts of unhealthy food like a pig at a trough who wants the very last scrap. I am like an alcoholic with food, Dawn- I can't stop at one bite or one portion! If I have it, the flood gates are open, and the rest and then some comes pouring in! I am not satisfied until I give in.
Going home has such a strange effect...In my moments of weakness, I seemed to revert back to my childhood habits of sneaking food out of the refrigerator when no one is looking and scarfing it down really quickly as I hear footsteps approaching the kitchen for shame of being caught. This has got to end!
Well, I won't be home again until Christmas. So, I guess between now and then I can lose the weight that I gained back while I was here, and figure out how to combat the Deep-Fried South when I do visit. I am determined to break the cycle, Dawn! I seriously cannot live like this.... at least not very healthfully for much longer, that's for sure!
2 comments:
Food is such a social thing in the south. Everything revolves around food. Holidays=food, weddings=food, family reunion=food, and God forbid don't let anyone die you could feed a small country with all the food that comes. I remember when my dad passed away. We literally didn't have room for all of the food and were having to send stuff home with people. It's insane! And to add to that southern food has got to be the least healthy stuff on the planet. It is the only place where they take salted fat back and fry it...come on does that even sound healthy? lol It's ingrained in you as a child "comfort food" what a demon it is. We can always manage to rationalize a reason that it is ok just this one time, which of course becomes another and another and another and next thing you know you are right back where you started. It's a hard hard habit to break. I know you can do it. Just pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start from where you are. I personally don't cheat at all for the food "addict" reason. I know I can't stop at one thing so I just don't start. That's not for everyone but I know for me that has to be how it is until I reach my goal. You just reach a point that you are truly tired of it. I said it a million times but wasn't truly there yet now I am. If I feel an urge I simply recognize that it will be available to me when I am at my goal and that I don't want to feel the disappointment and disgust I will feel if I do give into that urge. Back on the horse girl....you can do it!!!!
now that you are home you will get back on track and who knows maybe you didn't gain as much as you think you did. (think positivly:)
somthing that has helped me is to get out of the kitchen, after a meal walk away from the table. clean up (without eating anymore) or go for a nice walk around the neighbor hood. keep yourself moving to keep yourself from thinking about the food.
just know that you are not alone with your struggles, there are alot of us out here in this great big world having the same problems as your are. it's a mind over matter and sometimes you must give in, but i know you will find a way to over come this. keep your chin high and keep working for your goal i know you can do it.
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